he's still here

Last week an old high school friend of mine passed away.  He was this big, burly, jocky, goofy, lovable guy that you couldn't help but like.  He was easy and comfortable to be around and I loved him.  He was my friend.  I loved talking to him, joking with him, cheering for him, pondering life with him, partying with him, laughing with him, listening to him...and now I'll have to live with missing him.  I've actually missed him for awhile.  Our lives happened around us and our friendship faded through the years.  Fifteen years to be exact.  I was a blushing bride and he was there.  I hugged him, met his sweet girlfriend, thanked them for coming, and spent the night dancing near them and all our other guests.  A few letters, emails, and Facebook posts spanned the years between that day and the day I received the news of his death.  

A life cut short is always so shocking and so painful for those left to experience its brevity.  It's selfish of me, as he leaves behind family and friends who love him, his two small children who experienced too little of him, and dozens of young men who knew him as their football coach...but I want him and our friendship back!  I feel like a little kid promising to be good...I'll call, I'll write, I'll listen...really, I'll be a good friend!  But the reality is that all I have left are a handful of pictures and glory day memories. 

As I sat looking over those old pictures and crying my way through the memories, my 9 year old little lady asked what was wrong.  I explained that an old friend of mommy's had died and I was just very sad.  She looked through the pictures with me and asked a few questions about him and my high school days.  I cried.  And then the wisdom of the ages came pouring through her little soul...she so simply stated, "Mommy, only his body died.  Who he really is lives right here forever."  And she put her hand on my heart.  

She's right.  He's been here all along, sharing space in my heart with all the people who have been a part of my life.  After pondering this for several days, I no longer think I'll have to live with missing him...I think I'll get to live with the memories of our friendship and will be forever grateful that he was a part of my life.